I am a year sober today. February 8th. I stopped drinking February 8th 2021. That day has significant meaning for me as a good friend of mine passed away on that day. Every year I'd buy a bottle of "top shelf" and indulge in his honor. Last February 8th I took it too far. After that day I made the choice to "take a break" for weight loss reasons. Since then I have lost 70 pounds. As time went on I always felt this need or this severe want to have a drink. I started to look at myself and try to figure out why I always felt this desire for alcohol. Maybe I did have a problem. Maybe I was self medicating. I'd always told myself I was stressed or life was tough or it helps me sleep. But whatever the reason after inwardly looking at my life and being honest with myself I walked away. Since then life has become much harder. The sober life is anything but easy especially with two children and a low paying job but as a believer I feel that I am to look to Christ for my "self medication" not the poison I was consuming in great abundance daily. I am still working on looking to my faith for the answers. Life isn't easy. Life isn't sunshine and rainbows. The "sticker" we get for being a Christian doesn't make the bad stuff go away, I'd argue life in faith is much harder than life out of the faith because we have the holy spirit reminding us daily of what we should and shouldn't do. Sometimes our convictions of our wrong doings can feel like more of a burden but that's the beauty of Jesus. He has forgiven us and whenever we feel guilt of our past from which we have repented it is nothing but Satan and his lies trying to pull us further from the Father. But I can tell you that for myself, my family, my faith, and my testimony, I'll never go back. Not one drop. This will be a decision in my story that I'm proud to tell. If you are struggling with any type of addiction. There is hope. And I am walking living proof that the hope you're seeking isn't found in meetings or sponsors or meditation... It's found in Jesus and only Jesus. God bless you all.

When I was in my 20s I made a decision to change the way I did life and not like the mixed up mess that I was brought up in. I did pretty well (I thought), but when I had my daughter, I felt at a loss as to how to bring her up and teach her. Then we moved to Stafford and I was surrounded by loving, Godly people, who showed me what God's love was really like. I realized I couldn't do it by myself and wasn't doing it. That changed my life, they helped me raise a Godly daughter and showed me I need to work on my relationships with God and others on a daily basis. Every day is a new challenge to stay honest with myself and turn to God for guidance.

As a parent, when I have been upset with my child, I have been asking myself why am I honestly upset right now. Some times there is a legitimate need for correction, but more often than I wish, the reason I'm upset is a self-centered reason. My annoyance or my fatigue or my preference isn't a good reason to be upset with my child. Recognizing those self-centered instances has given me the ability to make the better decision and respond better in those moments rather than react poorly. 

My Uncle who was raised Jewish and became a self proclaimed athiest - long story there. I encourgaged him to move down here from NY in his 90's because of failing eyesight and hearing. I got the honor of helping him and taking care of him in his final years. By having wonderful conversations and showing him love and care that he said "You probably didn't count on having to do so much for me" we talked a lot. In the end - he accepted Christ and when he passed, he raised up from his bed with his arms up and said Jesus. I know I'll see him again some day.

The Sunday this message was taught happened to be the day after I ended the romantic relationship I was in. Ending the relationship with the father of my child was not easy and absolutely crushed my heart. I realized this was the question I had been asking myself for the past couple of weeks. If I stayed in this relationship would I be proud to tell that story? Hypothetically where would that story go? I couldn't see a story coming from that relationship that I would be proud of or that would reflect God based off of our past. I knew God was calling me down a path of repentance, a path of making God honoring decisions and being a Godly example to my child. Making that the story I'll be proud to tell one day.  

I do have a story, and it has to do with me flying home after my last job, which was working on a boat for the last two years as a civilian working for the Navy and when I lost my temper. It came time to fly home, and things went well as I flew from Guam to New York (about 16 hrs). In New York, my flight was delayed for three hours and although I made it to Virginia my bags didn't. That was fine, there was nothing in my bags that I really needed, just tired and annoyed. I went to the Car rental place in the airport, gave them my reservation number, and just wanted to drive home, during these 2 years at sea I was home for exactly 2 months and was ready to get there. The young girl behind the counter found my reservation, asked for my card, and said she can't use it, she needs another card. I said I rented from this very counter, using this very card before, I have a reservation and now your saying I don't have a car to get from DC to Virginia? She just said I need another card. I lost it, my temper came out, and I sinned - I swore at this girl. Hindsight is 20/20, and all I needed to do was get a cab. Both me and my bag were delivered to my house. The cab ride was cheaper than I would have paid for the car. Of Course - what right did I have to swear at this girl, just doing her job. But its deeper than that. Jesus didn't swear on the cross, after being beaten, wearing a new hat of thorns, getting stabbed by a sword in the side, given vinegar to drink, and otherwise having a not good day - he saved not only us but a criminal that was condemned with him. It was the greatest thing ever done for us, the price he paid for us to know God is not calculatable, and I chose to trust and follow him. The difference is He paid for the sins of humanity and I needed to take a cab home. I can make better decisions than this.

The Better Decisions - Fewer Regrets journey over the past several weeks has provided me with such peace of mind as I struggle with a major life/family decision. I am so inspired by the framework that I found the study by Andy Stanley, and I'm working through that as a "live case study" involving a life impacting series of decisions. My sister is battling drug addiction, and I am constantly struggling with "Am I helping or am I enabling." Help in this circumstance creates significant pressure on other parts of my life - my spouse, my children, my career..... The worst outcome is taking the decision to dive headlong into what I think is helping my sister - at a significant cost to other aspects of my life (family, friends, career) - and it turns out to simply be enabling her along an inevitable outcome, and creating unnecessary havoc in the rest of my life. There are many questions that go into my "decision grid" as Andy calls it, but I have found that an earnest approach to the framework we have discussed - especially addressing the Legacy Question - truly envisioning possible outcomes and stories I hope to tell - really helps. I do not know how this will turn out with my sister, but I am finding a sense of comfort in applying such a God-centered approach to my decisions along the way. I can take solace in the fact that I am making the best decisions possible for my sister without wasted burden on the other loved ones in my life.

Last weeks sermon notes had a QR code with three little words written underneath… Share your story. The thing is, I have despised mine for the past three years. “I hate my story“ is some thing I’ve said, to myself, to my husband, to a small number of friends, and to God– repeatedly The short and not so sweet version goes like this- I was married for almost 25 years. Had what I would call a wonderful life- raising four children, numerous dogs and cats, a horse guinea pigs, a gecko and even some goldfish that lived long and happy lives. Until it all came crashing down, in one single moment- upon seeing another woman’s face on my husband’s phone, and finding out about his infidelity. It changed my story forever. We have done work, tremendous- hard work. God has been so good! His forgiveness, His mercy, His love for us- even His timing (we say the Covid pandemic helped save our marriage) it is surviving,…but I have seasons when I really struggle. In those moments I weep thinking of how my story now goes. I have soaked up, the Godly wisdom shared in the series Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets! The legacy question a few weeks ago really moved me. What story do I want to tell? Once I got passed my initial response of “ WELL I CAN’T tell the story that i really want to tell” I began to really consider, and let myself see a future story that I can set my heart and thoughts on. The story of God’s healing power on our family. Where our children and grandchildren see us holding hands and loving each other for, God willing - years to come…at holiday gatherings and celebrations. A story I can in essence be proud of - thanks to a loving God who can, and is redeeming our story for His glory. And I have decided to let THAT be my legacy story.

I was informed by a few people that a certain individual at my job was saying rude and nasty things about me, including calling me a very lazy person. I had every intention of calling this person out, in front of everyone and giving them a piece of my mind. No one, to my knowledge, agrees with this person, and a few people told him what he was saying was not true. Having this knowledge in mind, I thought if I outed him, in front of everyone else, others would join me. I had made up my mind and was going to speak to him at the start of work the next day. Reflecting on what is taught in scripture, and church, I realized I was not going about this decision in an appropriate, or Christ-like way. I decided to pull the individual aside, advise him of what I was told, and explained how that bothered me. We were able to speak to each other in a very polite way in this discussion, and after, I felt no anger toward him. I am confident this will not be a reoccurring problem, but if it is, I will try to use the more appropriate approach and bring a companion or two, and later, if needed, bring it to the attention of the supervisors. I truly feel this series has helped me in this decision, and I am happy my legacy, in this regard, will not be one of anger. This is a story I will be proud to share with others.

I think my story of conquering my addiction to tobacco more than 5 yrs ago is very pertinent here. I tell my story all the time, because it showed me that poor decisions can be overcome, and the fact that I defeated something that brings death in so many ways, but only whenI asked for help. We were doing the Fueled by Faith series, and it basically was telling us to stand up and take charge of whatever we needed to be better Christians, fathers, brothers, etc...He gave me the strength to overcome because I asked for his help, and his Grace poured out to me. The most telling part about knowing he was there for my entire journey (even to this day) is I never struggled with relapsing, sneaking a pinch or two since, and it was cold turkey, no chemicals to help my urges, just lots of prayers. I hope one day to pass this story to my grandkids, because had I not made the right decision, I might not have been here to tell them.

A Tale of Brothers, The Last Words (i.e. your final words to an aging parent), You never know when your conversation with aging parents will be your last. My story is about brothers with aging parent still living in their original home. My Dad was nearing 90 years old with growing health problems and forced to live in an assisted living facility along with my Mom of 86+ years who had developed Dementia. My middle Brother 's wife decided to put the parents in the facility for their own good for 90 days without coordinating with the rest of the family. My Dad became very angry when he realized he was stuck in the facility for a 90 day period until he could be cleared by a County Health official. My Dad and middle brother never had a kind word between them ever since. On the other hand my Dad and I always had a very good relationship to the end. The day before my Father was to have his appointment with the County Health Official, he suffered a heat attack and died. The previous evening before he died I had called Him and talked quite a while and ended the conversation with "I love You", which was a strange thing for me to say to my Dad (but normal with my Mom) and never realizing with in 24 hours he would be dead and that would be my final words with him here on Earth. My other Brother never had kind words with our Dad and no restitution ever occurred in that 90 day period and that horrible legacy has lived with my brother ever since.

Growing up I always seemed to get a tension in my stomach when my brother would want to do something a little iffy. I would always chalk it up to guilt for breaking the rules or lying to my parents but I would listen to it. My brother would not and more times then not he would get in trouble. Later on in life I was with my cousins and brother playing around and I got the tension feeling again. I voiced my concerns and this time not only did I listen to it but my brother did as well! Here’s a story of how the conscience question not only kept me from having regret but it kept my brother from having regret as well.

Roughly a year ago an old drinking buddy and longtime friend reached out to me, and I pretty much told them I was cutting them out of my life. It was over an incident back around the time I was quitting drinking and really involved other mutual friends of ours and I lumped them all in together. I was very unkind and irrational in how I had handled and treated him. He wasn't just a drinking buddy. He was a friend of mine since High School. Long story short for the past several weeks I had been having a nagging feeling or tension that I needed to reach out to him and ask for his forgiveness. I fought that feeling for a few weeks. Thought up whatever excuse I could so I wouldn't have to sacrifice my pride. But eventually through prayer on the nagging feeling I had, I resolved to call him. The call mercifully went much better than I would have ever expected. He forgave me and now we're making plans for our families to have time together. I don't expect it always to work out pleasantly but the weight on my heart was lifted and I am glad I listened to what nagged on my heart.

I remember when I was asked if I would be willing to serve in a leadership role within the Church. At the time, I had served in leadership capacities in a previous Church and had no desire to enter that arena again so I quickly declined. A few months went by and I was approached again with the same request and again I declined. This time was different because I really felt the Lord telling me I should consider it. I really did not like the tension I was feeling every time I tried to justify why I thought the Lord must be mistaken. Finally, after the third time, I relented and accepted the role in Leadership. I have to say the Lord has really used this time to grow me my relationship with Him and in my relationship with others that I serve and minister to.

On this last Friday I was in a position that drugs were right in front on me. There was a lot of tension for me. I was able to finally make that decision not to use. I give all the glory to GOD. Also the credit to the truth I have received. Without the better decisions fewer regrets sermons I might have crossed that line. What is happening in Stafford Crossing is life saving for me. I am so grateful for the leadership and feel blessed to be part of. THANK YOU SO MUCH

I found my coffee order in a delivery mailbox separate from my mailbox after receiving the refund from the vendor from letting them know I never got it. I could have remained silent and excepted the free coffee. However, I went back to the vendor and told them I made an honest mistake and wanted to pay for the coffee received and they responded: we appreciate your honesty, and to not worry about it and enjoy the coffee on them. At that point it felt like it was a gift and no guilt on my end.

I am a business owner and I was recently asked by my main customer to bid a project for services I don't usually perform. I wasn't sure how to bid the project so I asked some of my other Customers and Project Managers what contractors usually charge for this type of service. In the middle of this bidding I was given exactly what my competitor who currently does the work's pricing. I didn't ask out right for their pricing, it was just given to me. But once you see it, you can't unsee it. I wasn't sure how to handle this. I thought well I didn't do anything illegal or unethical to receive this information but something was bugging me about it. I ignored it and bid the project at a price I felt comfortable with and it happened to be lower than my competitors. I felt ok about it at the time because I had also found out that same competitor was doing his work illegally, breaking a lot of laws, and violating many business practices. Soon afterward I was told we didn't win the work. I was angry at first. I knew my pricing was lower, and we were essentially lied to as to why we didn't get the project. I couldn't see why we didn't win and I was pretty bitter. This really bothered me for a couple of weeks until we started this series here at church. Everything I have been hearing started making sense to me and gave me a lot of clarity and peace. I didn't do anything illegal, or unethical, but my moral compass was spinning. My heart was definently feeling the tension in the attention, I thought.. was I really being honest with myself about what happened? I also started to really think about what story did I want to tell and whether or not the choices I had made were wise. If I had asked myself all four of the questions we've been discussing then, I am pretty confident my choices in that situation would have been different. Because of this series I feel that I am better equipped now to handle myself better in the future and run my business in a way that glorifies God!

I was on the phone with my mom. She was giving me a guilt trip about how I had not visited and spent time with her recently. Complaining about how my family's schedule was too busy. This was not the case, I had visited her 2 weeks earlier. I got defensive and replied with truth, but not kindness. She replied that she wasn't going to tolerate me speaking to her like that and hung up. She later texted to get her point across about how what I said was not nice. I typed and retyped my response several times... the Holy Spirit kept saying to me- how is that going to help? At the end I texted I'm sorry. I kept all the other words out of my reply and gave them to God.

During disagreements with certain family members, I often find myself having to make the decision of whether I want to make a point and be proven right, thus feeding the ego...or, approach the disagreement with humility and work towards understanding the other person's perspective. When I turn to God for direction, the answer is most always the same. The path of humility is the Godly path and one that leads not only to a greater level of compassion for those closest to us, but also allows us greater internal control of our emotions, thoughts, words, and actions. This manifestation in turn serves as a Godly example to those around us, thus honoring God and strengthening the bonds of our relationships.

Honestly, I was raised to have my maturity challenged. When I went to college my parents challenged me so by who I chose to date! They didn’t agree, they didn’t like him, my sister either! They all made it so difficult and because of his lack of maturity and care he showed me, my mother especially made her thoughts of him evident, and they were not good! So, after almost a years and half of ups and downs, break ups, dysfunction & choosing to dating “him” who gave me nothing but sweet empty nothings, served me a dose of anxiety, trust issues and nearly severing my relationship with my parents. Thankfully I broke up with him. I moved across town, found a new job, changed my degree, looked at myself and I realized all God wanted to see, and it was that my parents cared! They weren’t trying to hurt me, they wanted to protect me. They saw he had anger issues, cared nothing for family, and never learned the art of maturity or gave grace. Much less, he couldn’t ever have conversations and look my parents in the face, or he choose to just avoid coming to my apartment with them visiting! Now being married to someone who loves mine and his own family, pursued my parents for their trust and loves me and comes home for sweet tea and to cook than expectant for me to pick him up from a bar or from the police station sure brings rest to my soul! Jesus, parents, and friends truly look out for us, if we’re willing to see past our own blinders and surrender!